Fic: And There's That Pesky Thing Called Reality (4/5)

[fandomcorner]

Just landed. No major problems. I miss you. J

I miss you too. Talk to you soon. J2

“Is this too soon?”

Jared smiled. His phone had started ringing less than five minutes after he’d replied to Jensen’s text.

“Yeah, it is, but lucky for you I don’t mind. Where are you? How was the flight?”

“Boring. Made me wish for a possessed passenger just to liven things up a bit.”

Jared chuckled. “That’s kinda twisted, dude.”

They fell into silence for a couple of minutes and Jared just listened to Jensen breathing. The house felt empty without him and at least when Jensen was on the phone like this Jared could sort of pretend he was still here.

“You really need to come out here soon,” Jensen finally said softly.

“I want to,” Jared replied. “I will. As soon as I can get the money together for the flights.”

It really sucked that his job wasn’t exactly the best paid in the world. He had enough to live on with a little bit spare each month, but not enough that he could just jump on a plane to Texas whenever he felt like it.

“You know I could. . .”

“No,” Jared interrupted. “I mean, it’s awesome of you to offer but I want to pay my own way.”

“Got it,” Jensen replied and Jared was grateful that he didn’t press the issue.

“I’m coming up to my place now,” Jensen said after a couple more minutes. “Talk to you tomorrow?”

“Yeah,” Jared replied. “I’ll be online as soon as I get in from work but you can text me during the day if you want.”

“You know I will. It’ll keep us from both going nuts from boredom.”

Jared chuckled softly. “Yeah, you got that right.”

“So. . .I guess I’ll say goodnight then. I had an awesome weekend.”

“Me too,” Jared replied quietly. “Goodnight, Jensen.”

“Goodnight, Jared.”

“Goodnight, John-Boy.”

Jensen snorted. “I’ll talk to you tomorrow.”

“Okay, speak to you then.”

It was only after they’d both hung up that Jared realised just how badly he’d wanted to tell Jensen that he loved him. One hot weekend and he was turning into a girl.



Jeff snorted as soon as Jared got into work the next morning. “You know he’s too good for you, right?”

“Yeah,” Jared smiled. “I’ve been telling myself that.”

“Well, at least he’s got good taste in books. Maybe some of it will rub off on you.”

Jared rolled his eyes and flipped Jeff off before heading to the back of the library to archive some books.

Jeff says you’re too good for me. J2.

A couple of minutes later he felt his phone vibrate in his pocket.

Damn right I am. Lucky for you I have low standards. J

His phone buzzed again before he could reply.

Just kidding. You know you’re amazing, right? How are you anyway? Not too bored I hope. J

Jared tapped out a reply quickly before Jeff caught him.

Surviving. Wish you were here though. Anything interesting happening on LJ? J2

Not a lot really. J

Jeff called him back before he could reply and he found himself with a stack of cataloguing to do. He’d just have to wait until he got home.

It was one of the longest afternoons he’d known.



Jared: Dude! When I asked you if anything interesting had happened on LJ you didn’t think to mention the Hunting Things convention that was announced?
Jensen: Well, I figured you’d see it when you got home. So, you’re interested in that, are you?
Jared: Hell yes! And it’s in Dallas so it’s practically on your doorstep. We have to go to this.
Jensen: I dunno.
Jared: What? Why?
Jensen: Come on, man. You’ve seen what some of these fans get like. They’re nuts. Do you really want to spend a weekend cooped up in some hotel with a bunch of crazies who think Sam and Dean are screwing each other?
Jared: It’ll be fun! We can laugh at them and stuff. Besides, we know plenty of people on LJ who are awesome. Come on, we have to go.
Jensen: I’ll think about it, okay?

Jared frowned. He knew Jensen well enough to know when to not push things but he honestly couldn’t see why Jensen was being so weird about it. They spent ages talking about the Supernatural books when they were online and, yeah, Jensen had talked about some of the other fans being a little crazy. Honestly, though, Jared just thought that spending a weekend with people who had similar interests to him would be fun. Maybe it was just because before he got online he’d never actually met anyone with similar interests.

Still, Jensen had said he would think about it and Jared wasn’t so ridiculously co-dependent that he couldn’t go by himself if he had to. It would just be more fun if Jensen was there.



He was screwed. He’d been through his paperwork a dozen times and even with his medical insurance there was still no way he could afford to go to Dallas for the convention. He wasn’t flat-out broke but he just didn’t have the money to spare on flights and all the other stuff, even if he stayed at Jensen’s place instead of the hotel.

It sucked.

He decided not to mention it to Jensen and hope he just forgot about it, because talking about his money problems was just way too embarrassing. Instead he let things drift on as they had before. They wrote together and planned fics when Jared got home from work and during the day they texted each other.

It wasn’t the same as being with Jensen in person, though. Nothing could compare with that, and every day that went by the disappointment weighed on him a little more heavily.

Until he could get together the money to visit Jensen he’d just have to make do with the alternatives, and an idea came to him one day when he was re-reading My Bloody Valentine on his lunch break.

“What are you wearing?” he rasped down the phone when he called Jensen that evening.

Jensen snorted. “Jeans and a t-shirt. I feel real sexy.”

Jared sighed. He’d never done anything like this before and Jensen wasn’t exactly making it easy.

“I’m in bed,” he tried again. “I thought I’d have an early night but I couldn’t sleep without hearing your voice first.”

He heard Jensen draw in a breath and he knew that he had him.

“You know, this bed is awful big without you in it with me,” he continued. “I’m all spread out.”

“You wearing anything?” Jensen asked, voice low and rough.

“No,” Jared replied. “I just wish you were here with me.”

“I wish I was there too, touching you. You have no idea what your body does to me.”

Jared was already hard, just listening to Jensen’s voice. “Where would you touch me?”

“I’d start with that sensitive spot just below your ear, and I’d lean in close so you could feel my breath tickling your cheek before I flicked out my tongue just enough for you to feel it on your neck.”

Jared’s eyes drifted shut as he imagined Jensen in bed with him, touching him and licking him. His hand drifted down to his cock.

“Don’t touch!” Jensen instructed and Jared’s eyes snapped open. Could he see him?

“I know you want to,” Jensen continued, “but wait. I promise it’ll be good.”

“Okay,” Jared croaked. Considering this had been his idea of a way to seduce Jensen it kind of seemed to be going the other way around now.

“I’d move lower after that, teasing your nipples with my teeth in that way I know you like.”

Jared let out a soft moan.

“Do you like that?”

“Yeah,” Jared groaned, voice thick with desire as he imagined Jensen’s mouth on his body. “Christ, Jensen.”

“Then I’d stroke my hands along the inside of your thighs. I know you’re hard for me, Jared.”

Jared whimpered. “Jensen, please.”

“Do you want to touch yourself?”

Jared nodded. “Yeah.”

“Okay, I want you to imagine I’m there with you and that I’m touching you. Gently, though. Slowly.”

He reached a hand between his legs and slowly stroked it up and down his length.

“Does it feel good?” Jensen asked. “Tell me how it makes you feel.”

“It makes me feel hot,” Jared groaned as he continued to stroke himself. “God, Jensen, I want you.”

“I’m right there with you. Don’t stop.”

He increased momentum, pumping himself hard and fast until he came. As he lay there, panting and sticky, he realised with a pang just how damn lonely he felt. He’d never realised what a solitary life he’d led before Jensen.

“You okay?” Jensen asked, sounding worried when Jared didn’t say anything for a few minutes.

“Yeah,” Jared sniffed. “I just. . . I really miss you.”

Jensen sighed. “I know. Me too.”

He paused for a moment and then sighed again. “We really need to meet up again soon. I can come to you if you can’t come here.”

“I’d love that. You know I would. But I can’t let you pay to fly over all the time. It’s not fair.”

“Yeah, well, maybe it’s up to me what I do with my own money,” Jensen shot back.

“How about we talk about it tomorrow? I’m tired.” Jared was determined to talk Jensen out of it, because it really wasn’t fair for Jensen to keep spending his money, even if he wanted to and even if Jared desperately wanted to see him.

“Yeah, okay,” Jensen agreed.

“Hey, Jensen,” Jared said softly. “Can I ask you something a bit weird?”

“Sure.”

“Will you stay on the phone until I fall asleep?”

“Of course.”

It didn’t take long. Jared was drained and just imagining Jensen lying beside him had him falling asleep with a smile on his face.



“You know that look on your face is enough to put anyone off reading for the rest of their lives.”

Jared shook his head, snapped out of yet more plans for how he could get the money together in time to visit Jensen for the Supernatural convention. So far the only thing he’d really managed to come up with was selling a non-vital organ.

“Jared?”

He realised Misha had been talking to him and he forced a smile into place. “Sorry, what?”

Misha sighed. “You know, I kind of preferred it when you were sad and lonely rather than sex-starved and moping.”

“I’m not moping,” Jared protested.

“Really? How many times have you texted him this morning?”

Jared’s hand fisted around the phone in his pocket and Misha must have caught the movement because he grinned.

“Can I ask you something?” Misha asked, the smile melting away from his face almost as quickly as it had slid into place. It kind of creeped Jared out. He wasn’t used to seeing Misha serious.

“Sure, I guess.”

“Why are you still here?”

Jared blinked. “What?”

“I mean, what’s keeping you here?” Misha asked. “You’ve got a job you could do in any town or city.”

“Are you saying I should go and live with Jensen? Dude, I’ve only met him in person once. That’s nuts.”

“Sometimes once is all it takes,” Misha shrugged.

“Yeah, well, it’s not that easy.” He didn’t mean to snap but there was something about Misha’s easy smile and the carefree way he leaned on the counter that bugged the hell out of him. “We can’t all just go off wherever we feel like it whenever we feel like it. There’s this bitch of a thing called real life, you know.”

“All things that can be overcome,” Misha replied with that same annoying smile, and without another word he picked up his books and left.

Jared sighed and glanced at his phone. No messages.



“What’s this?”

Misha had turned up in the library at his usual time, only instead of carrying books he had an envelope which he’d pushed across the counter at Jared.

“Open it and you’ll see.”

He picked up the envelope with an air of suspicion. It wasn’t that he didn’t trust Misha, it was just you never knew what you were going to get with him. After opening it carefully, he read over the contents and read over them again because he was sure he wasn’t reading it right.

“Dude, I can’t accept this.”

“Why not?”

Jared pushed the envelope back across the counter. “Why not? You just gave me a plane ticket to Dallas. I can’t accept it. I wouldn’t let Jensen pay for me to go so I sure as hell can’t accept it from you, especially after everything you’ve done for me already.”

“I loaned you a computer and walked your dogs while you had a broken leg. It’s hardly a big deal.”

Misha pushed the envelope back towards him.

“Maybe not,” Jared conceded, “but plane tickets are a fucking big deal, man.”

“Do you have any idea how much travelling I do?” Misha asked, ignoring the envelope that was now on his side of the desk. “I’ve built up a hell of a lot of air miles. Seriously, this didn’t cost me a thing. Besides, I can’t return the tickets now so unless you know someone else who wants to go to Dallas I suggest you take them.”

He pushed the tickets back over and Jared was almost embarrassed to find his eyes stinging with tears.

“I already checked with your boss that you’re good to have the time off,” Misha continued. “And I know you mentioned that convention thing you wanted to do at the same time. So go, have fun, fuck Jensen’s brains out.”

“I don’t get why you’re doing this,” Jared said as he picked up the envelope and read over it again. “Are you even for real?”

“Some do question it.”

By the time Jared was done reading, Misha was gone again. Really, his life was too weird.



His leg jiggled nervously as he took his seat on the plane, and not for the first time he wondered whether his idea to surprise Jensen was a good one or not. A lot of people hated surprises.

He knew Jensen was going to be at the convention because Jared had pretty much begged him to go and report back on everything Joshua Mackenzie said. In fact, he’d pretty much sworn to never have sex with Jensen again unless he got him a signed copy of one of the books.

So, really, he just had to hope Jensen wasn’t one of those people that hated surprises.

He sat back and stretched out his legs, or tried to at least. He’d been quite lucky and the plane wasn’t full so he’d been able to get a seat with extra legroom. Even with the extra space he was still kind of cramped.

At least he had a window seat so he was able to watch the ground slowly disappear until all he could see was cloud. He actually kind of liked flying, even with the space issues, but of course what he was really looking forward to was seeing Jensen again. It had only been a few weeks since they’d spent the weekend together but it felt like so much longer. And he had the Supernatural convention too. This really was going to be the most awesome weekend ever.

He sat back, put his iPod on and flicked through to a Supernatural fanmix someone on the livejournal community had made for those going to the convention. He had to smile when Metallica came on and he imagined how Dean would hate to be on this plane. Then he wondered if, when Castiel zapped Dean places, it felt like flying. Five minutes later he was scribbling some ideas down in a notebook and smiling at the thought that he’d be able to discuss them with Jensen in person later that day.



The hotel where the convention was taking place wasn’t too far from the airport and Jared was glad there was a free shuttle bus running. Even with the free plane tickets money was kind of tight after he’d paid for the convention tickets, so he really had to hope that Jensen didn’t mind him crashing at his place for the weekend.

He smiled when, as soon as he got into the lobby, a huge banner proclaimed ‘Dallas Welcomes Supernatural Fans.’ He already felt like he belonged here.

He picked up his ticket and welcome pack and made his way into the main conference room where the introduction was due to start fairly soon. Because he’d booked so late he was seated pretty much right at the back but he didn’t care. He was just glad to be here. So long as he got to hear Joshua talk and got his copy of Mystery Spot signed, he didn’t really care what else happened at the convention.

He pulled his phone out of his pocket and wondered whether he should call Jensen now or wait until there was a gap in the schedule. He could see pretty much over everyone else’s heads and he didn’t see anyone that looked like him.

Before he could call to announce he was here, though, the MC got up on stage and welcomed everyone.

“I’m really excited to be here, as I’m sure you guys are too. You’ve all got your program of events so I won’t run through that now. If you’ve got any questions, just ask one of our volunteers. Now, who wants to hear a few words from our guest of the weekend?”

Jared found himself actually trembling with excitement. Joshua Mackenzie was about to come on stage. The man who Jared had idolized for the last five years. The man who had created the world that Jared had lost himself in for so many hours of his life.

“I’m pretty sure I don’t need to introduce him,” the MC continued. “He’s the reason we’re all here, after all. Ladies and gentlemen, Joshua Mackenzie.”

The crowd erupted into cheers and squeals and applause as a man took to the stage and Jared craned his neck to get a better view. He’d spent more than a few hours wondering what Joshua Mackenzie looked like and in his head he was a balding guy in his forties.

“Hey, everyone,” a laid back voice rang out through the microphone. “I just want to thank you all for coming and for enjoying the books enough to make this possible. I never even imagined anything like this when I started out. So, I hope you enjoy yourselves and I’ll talk to you over the weekend.”

Jared heard the words, sort of, but mostly all he heard was a ringing in his ears while a cold shock slowly worked its way through his body.

Jensen was on the stage. Jensen was talking to the crowd.

Jensen Ackles was Joshua Mackenzie

And right now Jared wanted to throw up.

He couldn’t do anything but sit there as Jensen flashed a warm smile at the crowd. The same smile Jensen had greeted him with when they’d first met at the airport, and when Jensen waved and left the stage it was the same wave he’d used to say goodbye to Jared.

As everyone moved out of the conference room amid excited chatter, Jared found he couldn’t move. A million thoughts rushed through his head in a jumbled mess and he couldn’t keep up with any of them.

That hadn’t just happened, right? He was still on the plane and having some sort of really fucked up dream. It was pretty much the only explanation for what he’d just seen.

He pinched himself on the arm. Hard.

It hurt, but apart from that nothing changed.

“Excuse me,” a voice called and Jared blinked out of his thoughts to see a young girl looking at him expectantly. “Sorry, but we need to clear the room so we can arrange things for the autograph session.”

Autographs. Right. Autographs that Jensen would be signing.

“Sorry,” he muttered and stumbled out of the room.

He should call Jensen. He knew that. He should call Jensen and have it out with him right now. The problem was he had no idea how to put into words what he was feeling, which was kind of ironic given the amount of writing he’d done in the past few months.

Writing of fanfiction. Fanfiction he’d also written with Jensen. Shit, this was just too messed up. He’d written Supernatural fanfiction with the author of the Supernatural books.

It made his head hurt just thinking about it.

There was already a line forming for Jensen’s autograph and Jared found himself herded along until he was in the middle of it. He should have just walked away, but the part of him that hurt the most wanted to make Jensen as uncomfortable as possible in a room full of fans.

In fact, the longer he thought about it the more mad he got at Jensen for screwing around with him like this. He could just imagine Jensen sitting in front of his computer, laughing every time Jared got excited about the books. This whole thing must have been nothing but a joke to him.

He was already imagining a spinoff book about Chuck and Becky based on this whole thing. Shit, what if it had been research?

The thoughts were rushing in his head and the sickness had flared up in his stomach again. It just got worse when the line finally started to move.

“What are you getting him to sign?” the guy in front of Jared asked as they slowly shuffled forwards.

It took him a moment to even remember and he fumbled in his bag for a minute before pulling out a very battered copy of Mystery Spot. It was his favourite of all the books and he’d lost count of the number of times he’d read it. He was amazed it was still in one piece actually.

“Good choice,” the guy replied. “That’s one of my favourites. I’m getting Tall Tales signed, though, because it’s the Trickster’s first appearance.”

Jared nodded his head, only half listening. He was still trying to work out what he was going to say to Jensen when he got to him. But listening to the guy talk about the Trickster reminded him of the Changing Channels fic he’d written which had been how he’d first spoken to Jensen properly in the first place.

God, he was such an idiot.

“I’m Gabe,” the guy said, holding out his hand for Jared to shake.

Jared couldn’t help but smile as he shook his hand. “Gabe as in Gabriel? Is that why you like the Trickster so much?”

Gabe shrugged. “That was just an awesome bonus.”

They were back inside the main room now and Jared could see Jensen at the far end greeting everyone with a warm smile and a handshake. He clutched the book tightly, his knuckles turning white as they continued to move forward at an agonisingly slow pace.

“Are you okay?” Gabe asked with concern. “You look kind of pale.”

Jared silently nodded and kept his eyes locked on Jensen who was getting closer and closer each time they moved.

“It’s okay to be nervous,” Gabe said with a reassuring pat to Jared’s arm. “I’m kind of nervous too. Everyone says he’s really nice, though.”

And that was the thing. Jensen was nice. Even through all the lies and deception, Jared was still pretty sure Jensen hadn’t been faking everything. How could he? Even if it was research for a book or one of the other endless possibilities Jared had run through in his head, nothing had said Jensen had to sleep with him. Maybe Jensen really did like him?

That tiny bit of hope that Jared clung to was the only thing keeping him sane. They were almost at the front of the line now and part of Jared wanted to just run and never look back.

Gabe stepped forward and handed over his book. Jared couldn’t hear what Jensen was saying but he was still smiling and making eye contact. He seemed genuinely interested in making conversation with everyone he met and Jared was reminded of how easily Jensen had won over both Misha and Jeff.

That only made things harder.

He watched as Gabe shook Jensen’s hand and moved on. It was his turn now.

He took a deep breath and stepped forward.

Jensen’s smile fell away as soon as his eyes met Jared’s, and his face turned a sickly white. Jared took some small amount of satisfaction in that as his face twisted into a sneer while he handed his book over. “I’m a huge fan, Joshua.”

Jensen opened his mouth and for a second Jared thought he was going to say something, but then Jensen apparently thought better of it and lowered his eyes so he could scribble a signature inside the book.

“Well, I’m having an awesome time,” Jared said as Jensen slid the book over to him. “How about you?”

As he shoved the book back into his bag, he waited to see what Jensen was going to say. He desperately wanted Jensen to say something, anything, even if it was more lies.

Nothing came.

Jensen was just staring at him, face wracked with guilt and a silent apology shining in his eyes but nothing coming from his lips.

This was a mistake. Jared should have just left as soon as he found out who Jensen really was. He nodded his head and walked away, barely hearing the muttered curse come from Jensen’s lips.

He made it just outside the hotel before he stopped, the hot, dry Texan air burning him but reminding him of home at the same time. He really wanted to see his family more than anything right now but he had no way to get to them.

That was when he realised he had a pretty huge problem. His flight back to LA didn’t leave until Monday and he’d been relying on staying with Jensen because he couldn’t afford a hotel room.

Now he was stranded.

So he stood there, heat seeping into his skin as he tried to figure out what to do. He couldn’t call Misha, not after he’d done so much for him already, and Jeff wasn’t exactly loaded. The best bet was calling his folks. San Antonio was about a four hour drive away but he knew his dad would make the trip if the only alternative was Jared sleeping on a bench. The problem was, Jared would actually prefer to sleep on a bench than admit to his parents that he met a guy on the internet who turned out to be a liar.

A hand came to rest on his arm and he stiffened and pulled away.

“Shouldn’t you be signing autographs for your adoring fans?” he sighed, not even bothering to turn around. Part of him couldn’t even look at Jensen now.

“I told them I needed a break,” Jensen said quietly. “Jared, please don’t go. I never meant for you to find out like this.”

Jared grimaced. It sounded like a cliché from a crappy soap opera. Jensen apparently realised how lame he sounded and let go of Jared’s arm with a sigh.

“Look, I’m an ass, okay? The whole internet thing started off as just a bit of fun, lurking and seeing what people were saying about the books. But then I got involved and I started using fanfic to tell the stories my publishers vetoed, and then I met you. You need to know that what I felt for you. . .what I feel for you, I mean. That’s real.”

Jared turned around slowly to find Jensen looking contrite and hopeful and a huge part of him wanted to forgive him right there on the spot. Then he remembered how many times he’d discussed what he thought was going to happen in the books with Jensen and realised what an idiot he must have looked.

“I don’t even know who you are,” he said stiffly, taking a step back.

Jensen’s face fell. “Yeah, you do. You know me better than anyone else, Jared. I’ve told you things I’ve never told anyone else.”

“You told me you were a physical therapist!”

“I was! That was what I trained to do at college and it was my job until I got into the writing. It started out as a hobby and then just kind of took off. I can still give an awesome massage.”

He flashed Jared a smile but that just made him even angrier.

“Dude, it’s not a joke! Look, I’m sorry, but I can’t do this. It’s too weird. I feel like I don’t know you. Just. . . I need time to think.”

He pushed past him and headed back into the hotel. He really needed a drink.



The beer didn’t do much to help but the quiet did. Most of the bar was empty and Jared figured that most people were off stalking Jensen or whatever.

He was still trying to make sense of it all in his head but the point he kept coming back to was the sheer number of times he’d gone into total fanboy mode with Jensen over the Supernatural books. No matter what else happened he could never look Jensen in the eye again after that. Even if he forgave Jensen and they got serious there was no way they could be equals in the relationship when Jensen was an internationally famous author and Jared wrote fanfic using his characters. It was ridiculous.

He motioned to the bartender for another beer. If he was going to blow the last of his cash he may as well do it drunk so he didn’t care so much.

His phone beeped in his pocket and he ignored it, pretty sure that it was Jensen coming up with more excuses and apologies. He didn’t doubt that Jensen was sorry, but that wasn’t going to make Jared trust him and he still couldn’t get his head around the fact that he’d pretty much had sex with a stranger. Several times.

His phone beeped again and he sighed, pulling it out of his pocket with every intention of turning it off when he saw that both messages were from Misha.

How’s it going? I’m not going to have to bail you out of jail for kidnapping a writer am I? – Misha.

I’m going to assume from your lack of reply that you’re either in jail as predicted or you’re so disgustingly engrossed with Jensen that you’re ignoring your messages. I’ll see you when you get home – Misha.

He had no idea why Misha always signed his text messages like that when his phone told him who they were from. It was just another one of Misha’s little odd quirks that Jared actually found kind of endearing. It was weird how Misha had gone from being ‘that slightly eccentric guy’ to one of his closest friends in just a few months, and the thing was that even though Misha seemed crazy he was actually pretty damn smart and perceptive.

He hit the button to call Misha back. He wasn’t going to ask for help, well, not help with money at least, but he needed to talk to someone who knew Jensen.

“How much is the bail money?” Misha asked when he answered the phone and Jared couldn’t stop the laugh that burst from his lips. It was either that or cry and, contrary to what Jeff told him, he wasn’t that much of a girl.

“Unless jail has comfortable chairs and a bar, I think I’m good,” Jared replied.

There was a pause.

“Something’s happened,” Misha said softly and the gentle tone of his voice almost broke Jared.

“I’m fine,” he replied. “I have beer.”

Misha was silent at the other end of the line. That wasn’t how it was supposed to go. Misha was supposed to tell him some sort of dumbass story about going on strike in France and make him forget all about Jensen. The silence was just making him think about it even more.

“So, it turns out Jensen has been lying to me the whole time,” he finally blurted out.

He heard Misha let out a breath. “Is he married?”

“No.”

“Did he neglect to mention he had kids? Or some sort of disgusting venereal disease?”

“Dude, that’s gross. No.”

“Was he screwing around with someone behind your back?”

“No.”

“Shit, he didn’t kill someone, did he?”

Okay, now he was getting pretty tired of the ‘guess what terrible crime Jensen committed’ game.

“It doesn’t matter what he did,” he sighed. “It’s over. I can’t trust him anymore.”

“Okay.”

“Okay?” Jared repeated. “I call you for advice and all you can say is okay?”

“Yeah,” Misha said and Jared could almost hear him shrug down the phone. “Look, you just need to think of it like this. Either Jensen did something so bad you can’t forgive him, and you move on and cut him out of your life forever. Or you let him apologise, talk it out and let him fuck you senseless in the best makeup sex you’ll ever have, and you move on.”

Jared sighed. “It’s not that simple.”

“Yeah, it is.”

Maybe it was.

“Look, I should go,” Jared said as he pushed his half finished beer away. He really wasn’t thirsty anymore. “Thanks for the advice.”

“Any time,” Misha replied. “Call me if you need any further words of wisdom.”

He hung up without saying goodbye.

So Jared needed to make a choice. He thought about Jensen, and what his life had been like before they’d met. He thought about the rush he’d got from planning stories with Jensen, from chatting about the things he loved, about how he’d been totally open with someone for the first time in forever.

Yes, Jensen had lied to him about what he really did for a job but was that really such a big deal? Part of Jared kind of understood it. He’d spent the whole of his time in LA never really being able to be himself and talk about the things he really enjoyed. That was part of the reason he loved Jensen so much, for bringing him the freedom to be himself. Was it so crazy to think that Jensen might have been looking for the same thing?

He grabbed his bag, mind made up, and went in search of Jensen. It didn’t take long to find him. The conference room was full again and Jensen was clearly in the middle of his question and answer session.

Jared took his seat at the back and listened as someone, Gabe Jared noticed when he craned his neck, got up to ask a question.

“Hi. I was just wondering if you’d read any of the Supernatural fanfiction and what you thought of it.”

An echo of groans rang through the room and Jared couldn’t help but snort. He couldn’t wait to see how Jensen answered this one.

“Well,” Jensen began carefully when the groans had died down. “I do admit that I’ve read one or two. There are some talented writers out there and I want to thank you for keeping the heat off my back between books.”

A few people in the audience cheered and Jensen smiled. “Okay, I think we have time for one more question.”

Jared’s hand shot into the air before he’d even realised he’d done it, and as Jensen’s eyes scanned the crowd they landed on him and he nodded his head. “How about we take a question from the back.”

Jared found himself with a microphone shoved into his hand as he slowly rose to his feet. “Yeah, I have a question about Sam and Dean’s relationship.”

Everyone groaned again.

“Oh, no, not like that,” he quickly added as Jensen watched him with a hopeful smile. “I was just wondering if there was any hope for them. I mean, they seem to have been slowly drifting apart over the last couple of years. Do you think it’s possible for them to fix things and go back to the way they used to be? Do you think they can ever be happy?”

The room was quiet now that everyone had realised that Jared wasn’t talking Sam and Dean screwing each other. All eyes were on Jensen now.

“I think Dean would do anything to get close to his brother again,” Jensen replied softly. “If that’s what Sam wants. What do you think?”

He knew they weren’t talking about the characters and so did Jensen.

“I think Sam wants that too.”

Jared could see the relief wash over Jensen’s face and the tension melt from his shoulders as he smiled and replaced the microphone in the stand.

“Well, I think that’s all we’ve got time for. Thanks, again, for coming everyone and I’ll catch you at the party tonight.”

As soon as Jensen left the stage Jared felt his phone vibrate in his pocket.

Room 1404. J

Jared had never moved so fast, shoving his way past everyone and diving into the first available elevator.

The journey up seemed to take forever and Jared could barely think straight by the time he got to the right floor.

He’d only just raised his fist to knock on the door when it flew open and for a moment Jared could only stand there, hand still held up.

“Hi,” Jensen finally said, voice soft and tentative.

“Hi.”

He stood there for a moment, just staring at Jensen and drinking in the sight of him. He’d been kidding himself if he’d honestly thought he could walk away from this, from Jensen.

“Do you want to come in?” Jensen asked and stepped back so that Jared could make his way into the room.

The room was incredibly neat, Jared noticed as he moved inside. Nothing was out of place save for a glass of water and a book on the table beside the bed. The latest Ian McEwan, Jared observed. Jeff would be pleased.

“I want to explain,” Jensen said as he followed Jared into the room and sat down on the edge of the bed.

“You don’t have to,” Jared replied and he was surprised to find that he meant it. He honestly didn’t care anymore so long as he and Jensen were together and able to move on.

“Yeah, well, I want to.”

Jared nodded and took a seat in the chair behind him, pulling it forward so he sat opposite Jensen.

“I wanted to tell you, and I know I should have but,” he paused and swallowed “I couldn’t stand the idea of you hating me, or thinking I was a dick, and the longer it went on the harder it was for me to say anything.”

Jared sighed. “I don’t hate you, Jensen. I wouldn’t be here if I did, but that doesn’t mean I don’t think you’re a dick.”

“I am,” Jensen agreed readily. “A dick and an ass. But can you forgive me?”

Jared rose to his feet and crossed over to the bed. “It’s kind of hard to be mad when you’re talking about dick and ass like that. In fact it’s kind of hot.”

Jensen’s mouth turned up into a smile. “Really?”

Jared leaned down and kissed him and it was as though someone had ignited a spark. Jensen moaned and tugged Jared down so that they were both on the bed, still kissing.

“Fuck, I’ve missed this,” Jensen gasped. “I’ve missed touching you.”

“Me too,” Jared replied.

He was already fumbling with Jensen’s shirt, his eagerness to touch him making his hands feel huge and awkward. Jensen batted his hands out of the way and took the shirt off himself before yanking Jared’s t-shirt over his head and tossing it on the floor.

Jared had never moved faster, unzipping his jeans and kicking them off while Jensen did the same. Jensen was back on top of him in moments, kissing Jared as though his very life depended on it.

Except suddenly he stopped and Jared almost whimpered at the loss.

“I don’t have any stuff,” Jensen said, and Jared could feel Jensen’s body trembling. Whether it was from desire or frustration he didn’t know. Maybe both.

“I don’t care,” Jared growled. “Please, Jensen, I need you inside me.”

Really, if Jensen didn’t touch him again soon Jared was pretty sure he was going to combust.

Jensen seemed to think about it for a moment and then he nodded to himself, climbing off the bed and dashing into the bathroom. He came out a minute later with a small bottle in his hand.

“Complimentary hand lotion,” he said as he crawled back onto the bed and slicked up his hand. “We’ll just have to improvise.”

The smell of roses tickled Jared’s nose and he almost sneezed. This stuff was going to make him smell like a girl but right now he really didn’t give a shit, and he certainly didn’t care when Jensen slipped a finger inside him. By the time Jensen was on top of him Jared had forgotten everything including, temporarily, his own name.

“Christ, Jensen,” he panted as Jensen thrust into him. It was rough and fast, fuelled by desperation and longing. Jensen reached around and jerked on Jared’s cock while he pounded him into the mattress.

When he came it was with a strangled cry and a couple of thrusts later Jensen collapsed on top of him and slid off to lie beside him.

“I feel like I should say sorry again,” Jensen murmured as he closed the distance between them and pressed a soft kiss to Jared’s lips.

“Don’t,” Jared replied. “I decided being with you was more important. I just want to forget about it now and move on.”

They lay there for a few minutes, clasping onto each other while their aching bodies relaxed and cooled under the aircon fan.

“Can I ask you something?” Jared asked, propping himself up on one elbow so he could look down at Jensen.

“Anything,” Jensen replied with a soft smile. “No more lying, I swear.”

“Were you really thinking of killing off Bobby?”

Jensen chuckled and pulled Jared back down. “Sorry. I love you but I have a strict no spoiler policy, even when it comes to my boyfriend.”

“Spoilsport,” Jared grumbled even as he smiled as how good it felt hearing himself described as Jensen’s boyfriend. “But I love you too.”

Part 5