fandomcorner | Fic: I'm Not In Love (Lex Gen)

Title: I'm Not In Love
Author: Hils
Rating: G
Fandom: Smallville
Pairing: None
Summary: Lex considers his life post Bound
Thanks, as always, to

vichan for the beta!

My lies to Clark come more easily these days.

For all his talk of honesty and how important it is to the integrity of our friendship, I know he still keeps things from me and I care about him too much to bring it up. He lies. I lie. I think that’s the way it will always be with us.

It’s not that I don’t acknowledge that the way I treated those women was wrong. I’ve thought about it a lot since the incident with Shannon. I certainly never thought people would die as a result. But how was I to know?

I told Clark that I had learned from my mistakes, that I was taking this as a second chance. But I know there will be more women like Shannon. You see it’s all about self-preservation.

Helen taught me how dangerous love can be and I won’t be making that mistake again. I allowed myself to fall in love and all it earned me was a near death experience and all because she wanted my money.

That’s what it comes down to. My wealth is both my salvation and my curse. I can do things few other men can. I can try and help people, but I can’t trust them. I can never let anyone get as close as I allowed Helen to get, because everyone has ulterior motives. Who cares about the cost of a few sets of diamond earrings when I can keep my heart protected?

Naturally, I could just employ the services of any number of Metropolis’s escort services, but my father would never let me live it down. Best to let him think of me as the rich, spoiled bastard who doesn’t care about who he hurts. That’s what being a Luthor means, anyway.

Of course, now I’m going to see the look of disappointment on Clark’s face every time I take a girl back to a hotel, or buy another set of earrings. Clark, who lives in this blissfully innocent world of black and white, is the one person who, despite everything, I trust like no one else.

I sometimes think that Clark would prefer me if I had no money at all. It would get me into less trouble in his eyes, and that’s why I let him get close to me. In fact, if he weren’t so besotted with Lana, Clark would be my ideal partner. Eventually, he’ll move on, find some girl to marry and have a family with but he’ll never love me the way I want him to love me.

That’s why there will be more girls and more earrings, and that’s why I’ll always be alone.