Sawyer/Kate: Walls

[fandomcorner]

Title: Walls
Author: Hils
Rating: PG for language
Pairings: Sawyer/Kate (sort of)
Disclaimer: I don’t own these characters. Lord knows I wish I did.
Summery: Sawyer's thoughts during What Kate Did. My first ever Lost fic so be gentle with me
Dedications: Thanks to salymander for the beta


The pain was the first thing that registered in Sawyer’s brain when he first regained consciousness. It wasn’t as sharp or as intense as it had been, when he’d been walking through the jungle, but it was there. And it still hurt like a son of a bitch.

“Wayne?”

Sawyer shifted at the sound of the name but apparently, his body wasn’t ready for him to open his eyes just yet. Instead, he just lay there and listened. Wayne? Wasn’t a name he recognised. In fact, it was one of the few names he’d never adopted for himself. Where the hell was he? And who thought his name was Wayne? So many questions and not a thing he could do to answer them. He focused what little energy he had on listening to the speaker.

Kate.

Well, that explained where he was at least. Must have made it back to the camp somehow. Maybe Mike and Jin carried him. That meant he’d have to thank them. Fuck.

He pushed that thought to one side for the moment, and resumed listening to Kate. He listened as she poured out her heart, confessing her past to him, or rather to Wayne. Finally he knew her secret; the one that she wouldn’t never have spoken aloud if she’d realised he was awake. Well, that made them square at least. She knew his past and now he knew hers. Of course, there were things she still didn’t know about—what he’d done—and it was going to stay that way for the moment. He wasn’t ready to let her in. Not yet anyway.

It was all he could do not to move, or say anything, when she admitted she felt something for him. And that it disgusted her; because he reminded her of her father. The man she’d murdered, because he made her feel bad about herself. Fuck, that girl had issues. But then, he wasn’t exactly Joe Perfect himself. Still, it explained why none of his usual flirtations and charms had worked on her. Who wants to screw a man who reminds her of her father? Just his luck to fall in love with a woman he could probably never have.

The realisation almost startled him. Love? Now that was something he wasn’t used to feeling. Lust, sure, but never love. He always made sure to protect himself from that. No decent con-man falls in love with the women he’s trying to steal from. And, of course, it was Sawyer that disgusted Kate; not James Ford. Nobody had seen the real James Ford. He could barely remember him himself. Becoming Sawyer had been an easy choice. Nobody got close. Nobody could hurt him. And now it was driving her away. Those goddamn walls that he put up to protect himself.

There was no turning back now, though. He’d been Sawyer for too long. He wasn’t sure he could find James; even if he wanted to. But, somehow, he had to show Kate he wasn’t a total bastard like her father. Maybe some little changes would be enough.

He realised that Kate had stopped talking and he let his walls slide back up; most of the way,

“That’s the sweetest thing I’ve ever heard. Who the hell is Wayne?”

Kate laughed. A real, genuine laugh.

It was a start.

Comments

[velena.livejournal.com]

I enjoyed that. :) I like that Sawyer's honest enough to know he's put up all those walls and that they're keeping Kate away. It's also nice to see Sawyer realize he's in love with Kate, and not freak out or try to deny it. And the ending is very sweet, something I can imagine Sawyer thinking, because it's not too mushy. Well done!

[fandomcorner.livejournal.com]

Thank you!