fandomcorner | Fic: A Merry Little Christmas

Title: A Merry Little Christmas
Author: Hils
Rating: PG
Summary: Buffy gives Spike a gift at Christmas. Takes place not long after Showtime but before Potential
Dedication: Merry Christmas

shadowlass from your Secret Santa :) Thanks to AnneRose for the beta.

Please note I wrote this in December 2003

It was quiet, eerily so after all the hubub and bustle of the SIT filled house. Buffy looked around the room and noticed how much bigger it seemed now that it was empty, and how much smaller she felt. Outside she could hear the faint sound of carolers as they made their way down the street, stopping at each house in turn to collect money for charity. Buffy knew they wouldn't come to her house though, they'd take one look at the smashed door and boarded up windows and move on, leaving her alone.

Alone. It was strange, ever since her house had been filled with people she'd wanted nothing more than some peace and quiet. Now that she had it she'd give anything for someone to talk to. Someone to just listen and understand. The way Spike had after she's been brought back from the dead last year.

Her eyes drifted over to the stairs. Up them Spike lay in her bed, badly beaten and unconscious. He'd woken a few times since she'd rescued him, only long enough to have some blood before drifting off again. In a way Buffy envied him. Sleep was a luxury she couldn't afford right now. They could come under attack again at any moment and she had to be ready. She thought about the vampire, about everything they had been through over the last couple of years. It had been a rough ride and they both had their scars to bear from it, yet here they both were under the same roof, living in as much harmony as they could given the current circumstances.

Not knowing what else to do with herself she wandered into the kitchen and decided to heat some blood for Spike. She tried not to pay any attention to the mess. She'd managed to clean the living room so the Potentials didn't have to sleep on broken glass but she hadn't gotten as far as the kitchen. She weaved her way around the debris on the floor and placed a blood bag in the microwave. As it warmed she took down two mugs and made herself some hot chocolate. She wasn't really in the mood to eat anything so a drink would have to do. Once Spike's blood was done she carried the two mugs upstairs to her room.

Carefully she set Spike's mug down beside the bed and pulled a chair over for herself. While she sipped her own drink she watched Spike sleep, paying particular attention to the creases in his brow. They'd been there ever since he'd returned with his soul. Lines of worry, fear, pain all etched into his face even while he slept. Nobody deserved constant suffering like that and her heart ached slightly when she realised she was at least partially responsible for his pain.

Setting down her own mug she reached over and gently brushed her hand over his forehead, hoping that in some small way she could smooth his lines away, lessen his pain. He let out a small sigh and leaned into her touch. She sat like that for a few minutes, just stroking him and allowing the feeling to soothe the both of them. She now knew why people kept dogs and cats. Just running her fingers through his hair made her feel more relaxed than she could remember for a long time, and Spike looked so content that she was amazed he wasn't purring.

A few more minutes passed and she felt him stir. As his eyes opened she reached for the mug of blood and held it to his lips.

"Here," she said gently as she lifted his head so he could drink.

His eyes drifted shut as he slowly drained the mug.

"Thanks," he murmured when he was done.

Buffy watched him for a few moments and when she realised that he was going to fall asleep this time she decided she had to say something.

"Spike?"

His eyes opened once more and there was a lucidity there that hadn't been present before. Inwardly Buffy smiled, he was going to be ok.

"How are you feeling?" she asked when she realised he was still looking at her expectantly, waiting for her to speak.

He appeared to think for a moment, looking down at his body to check it was still there and reasonably in one piece. He sighed.

"It still hurts."

His eyes met hers and she instantly knew he wasn't referring to his physical injuries. The pain his soul was causing him seemed to almost burn in his eyes, so much so she almost wanted to wince from it.

"I'm sorry," she whispered softly. "I wish I could help."

He gave a small smile and untangled one of his arms from under the blanket. Reaching over he took her hand in his and gave it a small squeeze. "You are helping. Just by being here."

She returned his smile and squeezed his hand back. She was determined to fix this, to end the pain both of them were feeling. They needed a fresh start and she was going to make sure they got it. For once she wanted to give something back to Spike instead of just taking from him like she had done all of last year.

"Is there anything you need?" she asked, the words sounding almost alien in her mouth."Is there anything I can get you?"

If Spike was surprised by her sudden kindness he didn't show it. Instead he shifted a little in his bed and nodded.

"To be honest I could do with getting out of this bed for a bit. Feel like I've been lying down forever."

Without a word Buffy pulled back the blankets. She'd had the foresight to get Xander to find some of Spike's clothes and dress him in case he'd needed to get up for anything. Spike seemed equally relieved to find Buffy looking down at his clothed body, not at his naked one.

"Do you need any help getting up?" Buffy asked, wanting to help but not wanting to crowd him.

"I dunno,." Spike replied honestly. "Let's see, shall we."

He managed to sit up unaided, only letting out a small muffled grunt of pain as his still healing ribs protested at the movement. He managed to swing his legs over the edge of the bed but as soon as he attempted to stand his they gave way and he fell back onto the bed.

"I guess that's a yes," he said to Buffy with a wry smile. She moved around to him and offered him her hand, wrapping an arm around his waist as soon as he was in a standing position.

"Now let's try that walking thing," she said gently, and slowly the two of them made their way out of the bedroom and into the hallway. Spike was still limping quite badly from his injuries but with Buffy's support he was able to make it down the stairs with her and into the living room.

"Wow." He said as they enterred the room. "Nice tree."

Buffy looked over at the small Christmas tree she'd erected while the house was empty and then smiled at Spike. "You like it? I decorated it myself. Thought the potentials might like it, you know, since they're away from their families this Christmas."

Spike nodded. "Yeah, must be tough on them. Poor kids. They out patrolling?"

Buffy shook her head as she guided Spike over to the couch and helped him sit down. "Willow and Xander have taken everyone to see a movie. I figured they deserved a treat since it's Christmas. There's enough of them that they should be ok if something happens."

"Didn't even realise it was Christmas." Spike said softly, looking at the tree again. "Kinda lost track of time in that cave."

Buffy's heart nearly broke and she took hold of his hand and looked into his eyes. "Spike, I am so sorry it took me so long to find you."

"Buffy, no." Spike replied forcefully. "Don't ever be sorry. I'd have waited another hundred years if I had to. I knew you'd come, and you did. That means more to me than you can ever imagine. I believed in you, just like you did with me."

Tears began to roll down Buffy's cheeks. She had no idea what she did and said meant so much to him.

He reached over and gently pulled her into his arms.

She didn't struggle and buried her face in his shoulder as she wept, feeling properly comforted for the first time in a long while. She'd been working so hard at being General Buffy and taking care of everyone else that she hadn't even stopped to think about letting someone take care of her. It was almost like the Riley scenario again, and she wasn't going to lose Spike in same way. She'd spent all of last year pushing him away and it stopped now.

"Spike, do you still love me?" She asked, pulling back from him and wiping the tears from her eyes.

He stared at her for a moment in disbelief. "Buffy, you know I do. I'll never stop."

"Do...do you think maybe we could try again? Have a proper relationship?"

The look of disbelief on his face intensified. "Are you serious?"

Buffy nodded. "Deadly. If you say yes, I'll tell everyone as soon as they get home. There'll be no secrets this time, no sneaking around, no lying. I want everyone to know what I feel for you and what we have."

"Xander's not going to like it."

"Xander will have to deal with it. So, what do you think?"

Spike leaned over and captured her mouth in a gentle kiss. She returned it equally as softly, her heart singing as she did. It wasn't too late.

"I love you," Spike whispered as he pulled back.

"I-" Buffy was prevented from finishing her sentence by a knock at the door. Instantly the two of them tensed. Everybody they knew had an open invite and would just walk in. It had to be an attack of some sort. Spike was in no condition to fight so Buffy motioned for him to stay where he was. She hurried over to her weapons chest and pulled out a stake and a small axe.

There was another knock at the door, louder this time.

Warily Buffy moved over to the door and opened it slowly. Spike watched her carefully, ready to jump in and help if he was needed. He saw Buffy's eyes widen, and then he frowned as she quickly tucked the weapons behind her back. For a moment he wondered what she was doing. Then he heard it

Have yourself a merry little Christmas,
Let your heart be light
From now on,
our troubles will be out of sight

It was carolers, the sweet voices of children filling the whole room. Spike smiled and pulled himself to his feet, moving over to join Buffy at the door

Have yourself a merry little Christmas,
Make the Yule-tide gay,
From now on,
our troubles will be miles away.

"I love you," he whispered in her ear, wrapping his arms around her waist as the children sang.

Here were are as in olden days,
happy golden days of yore.
Faithful friends who are dear to us
gather near to us once more.

"I love you too," she whispered back, pressing a soft kiss to his cheek

Through the years we all will be together
If the Fates allow
Hang a shining star upon the highest bough.
And have yourself a merry little Christmas now.

And for the first year she could remember, it felt like it really was a merry little Christmas.