Fic: Volition
May. 19th, 2011 12:54 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
fandomcornerTitle: Volition
Author:![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
hils
Pairing: Dean/Castiel
Rating: PG
Wordcount: 2000
Spoilers: Vague references to the events of 6.20
Summary: When it comes to Dean Winchester a choice isn’t really a choice at all.
Thanks tohsapiens and sucksucksmile for the beta work. Also thanks to zatnikatel for the initial prompt and brainstorming.
In the end God gives Castiel a choice.
It’s only fitting given that Castiel has been fighting on the side of Free Will for years that he be granted the very thing he’s been eager to give to all the angels. The choice is a simple one: stay in Heaven permanently and help rebuild the mess that the civil war left in its wake or fall and hope that the Winchesters will forgive him and take him in.
Most angels would have at least taken a moment to consider the offer. An eternity in paradise or a few mortal years filled with fear and pain.
But Castiel is not most angels, and he’s already decided before he’s even finished fully hearing his options.
Because when it comes to Dean Winchester a choice isn’t really a choice at all.
* * *
He’d been warned about the pain but nothing really prepares him for it until he’s hurtling towards Earth, screaming and praying that he’ll lose consciousness just so it will stop.
He’s not that lucky.
The last of his grace doesn’t fade until seconds before impact, which means the angel warding sigils all over Bobby’s house are still enough to keep him out. Instead he crashes down in the yard, bouncing painfully off the rusted shell of an old car and landing in the wet mud.
If the pain of falling had been bad enough, the pain of landing is so much worse. Every drop of cold rain feels like a needle pricking his skin, his side hurts so much from his impact on the car that he can barely breathe and he can feel the wet mud slowly seeping through his clothing.
Dean. He needs Dean.
He doesn’t even care that the last time he spoke to Dean Winchester it was a conversation filled with threats, anger, and disappointment. He’ll explain and eventually Dean will forgive him, because that’s what he does. Dean’s heart is bigger than any other human’s. . . any other person’s . . . that Castiel has ever known.
He raises his head, and even that makes his whole body quiver with pain. He can see Dean’s car parked outside the house, which is only about fifty feet from where he’s currently lying, but he already knows he can’t make it that far. He can barely move.
“Dean,” he calls, his voice sounding even more broken and ragged than usual. “Dean, please help me.”
No one answers.
* * *
“Helluva storm out there,” Bobby grunts just before he heads up to bed. Sam and Dean mutter their agreement but Sam doesn’t look up from his book and Dean’s eyes barely leave the TV.
“You want to head out tomorrow?” Sam asks after a few minutes once Bobby has left them. “There’s a job a couple of towns over and we haven’t really hunted anything since. . .”
He doesn’t mention Cas. None of them do, but for Sam and Bobby it’s mostly for Dean’s sake. For Dean it’s because he can’t.
“Sure,” Dean replies with a shrug but they both know his heart isn’t in it.
“Whatever,” Sam sighs as he slams his book shut. “If you want to sit here and mope I guess we can do that.”
“I’m not moping!” Dean snaps and clicks the TV off before tossing the remote onto the table. “I’m just enjoying a break. Come on, Sammy, when have we ever had the chance for some downtime like this? We should enjoy it.”
Sam snorts. “Yeah, because you look like you’re having a great time sitting around watching Doctor Sexy re-runs during the day and drinking yourself into a coma at night. You’re starting to look like a vampire, dude. When was the last time you actually went outside?”
“I go outside,” Dean mutters.
“Polishing your car once a week doesn’t count.”
“Whatever! If you want to hunt a ghost tomorrow we can go and hunt a freaking ghost. Now will you get off my back?”
“Fine! I’ll see you in the morning, okay?”
Dean simply grunts as Sam stomps up the stairs. If his brother were a few years younger or if Bobby weren’t sleeping a couple of doors down Dean was pretty sure he’d hear the door slamming too.
He grabs a beer from the fridge and is about to take it and his leftover bottle of Jack up to bed when he pauses. The rain is still lashing down outside so of course naturally that’s the moment Bobby’s dog decides that he needs to pee, scratching at the door and whining while occasionally giving Dean reproachful looks until he opens the door.
A few minutes later Gates starts to bark.
“Oh, come on, are you kidding me. Come on, Gates, get your ass back inside.”
More barking followed by some whining. If Dean gets soaked and the damn dog has just found a rabbit or something Dean is going to be pissed.
His tugs the collar of his jacket up to ward off some of the rain and dashes outside, cursing the dog’s name as the rain quickly soaks him.
“What the hell is it?” he growls when he finally sees Gates snuffling at something on the ground and nudging it with his nose.
He freezes. He can tell immediately that the lump on the floor is a body, but that coat. Even soaking wet and covered in mud he’d recognize that coat anywhere.
“Holy shit! Cas?”
He drops to his knees and carefully rolls Cas onto his back, slumping in relief when the movement causes Castiel to moan.
“Cas, come on, man, talk to me. What happened?”
Even in the dark he can see Castiel’s eyes flutter open and the barest hint of a smile on his lips.
“Dean. . .you. . . came. . .”
“You’ll be okay,” Dean replies as he takes stock of Castiel’s injuries. It seems safe to move him which is the most important thing. “We’ll get you inside and fix you up.”
He almost flinches when Castiel’s cold, wet fingers brush over his cheek.
“I’m. . . sorry.”
His hand drops, limp, to his side as his eyes close again.
Shit!
Sam. Sam, will know how to fix this. He is good at this stuff.
It takes all of Dean’s strength to get his feet under him in the wet mud with Castiel’s limp body in his arms. Luckily the house isn’t far.
God, Cas had been so close to them, hurt and cold, and they hadn’t even realized.
He can’t think about that though. He needs to focus.
He staggers into the house and gently deposits Cas on the couch before taking the stairs two at a time and shaking his brother awake.
“Dean, what? Are you okay?”
“You need to help me, Sammy.”
To his credit his brother doesn’t ask any further questions, he just pulls on his t-shirt and jeans and follows Dean downstairs.
“Cas!”
As soon as Sam sees him he went straight into business mode, sending Dean to get the first aid kit from the kitchen while he checks Castiel over properly.
“How’s he doing?” Dean asks when he gets back, handing the kit to his brother.
“The cut on his head looks nasty but it’s nothing major, and a couple of his ribs are cracked. Really, we just need to get him warm. The rest will heal. We should probably move him upstairs. He can take my room.”
“Nah,” Dean replies hastily. “Stick him in mine. It’s not like I sleep much anyway.”
He’s grateful that Sam doesn’t press the issue and instead they set about carrying Castiel upstairs, which is kind of difficult when the three of them aren’t exactly small guys.
“What the hell’s all the ruckus,” Bobby growls when they got to the top of the stairs. “Cas? He okay?”
“He will be,” Dean replies. “Sorry we woke you up, Bobby.”
“You boys need anything?”
“No, we’re good. We’re gonna set him up in Dean’s room while he recovers.”
“Okay, well, holler if you need me.”
“We will. Thanks Bobby.”
It’s a testament to the Winchester family that no one even questions Castiel’s presence back in their lives. For that Dean is more grateful than he will ever know how to express.
They get Castiel out of his wet clothes and into some of Dean’s dry ones (and that is a topic that he and Sam will never ever be discussing) before getting him tucked under the covers. Sam cleans up the cut on Castiel’s head while Dean pulls out some extra blankets and drapes them over their patient.
“Dean, you have to get into bed with him.”
“What?”
“I’m serious, Dean. We have no idea how long he was out there and his body temperature is way lower than it should be. If you don’t get into bed with him and share your body heat he could become hypothermic.”
Dean simply stares at him.
“Fine,” Sam snaps, yanking off his own t-shirt. “I’ll do it myself. Get out of the way.”
That pulls Dean back into reality. “The hell you will! Does he need anything else?”
Sam shakes his head. “No, I’ve patched him up as best I can.”
“Fine, now how about you give us a little privacy?”
Sam raises his hands in surrender and picks his shirt up off the floor. “Fine, just call me if you need anything okay. You know what the hypothermia signs are.”
Dean hadn’t been kidding when he’d pointed out in the past how alike Sam and their dad were. Listening to his brother now, all controlling and not leaving the room without leaving strict instructions it’s almost like having a conversation with the man. “I know, Sammy. Now get the hell out of here.”
He waits until Sam closes the door behind him before he strips down to his boxers and climbs into bed. Immediately Cas turns into the source of warmth, curling against Dean and resting his head on Dean’s bare chest.
The rational part of Dean tells him that this is awkward and weird but the rest of him, the part of him that has craved for Cas for as long as he can remember, yearns for it.
“You’ll be okay,” he says gently as his brushes a hand over Castiel’s damp hair. “Whatever’s happened you’ll be okay.”
He falls asleep with Castiel’s drool leaving a wet patch on his skin and he doesn’t even care.
* * *
“I’m sorry,” Castiel says as soon as he wakes up and sees Dean’s face just a few inches away from his. He is still in a considerable amount of pain but at least he’s warm now and Dean is here.
“You said that already,” Dean replies. “When I found you outside.”
“I don’t remember.”
Dean shrugs. “Anyway, don’t worry about it.”
Castiel’s eyes widen. How can Dean forgive him so easily? “But. . .”
Dean raises his hand. “We’re not going to talk about it again, Cas. You apologized. It’s over. I’ve forgiven Sam for worse than any of the stunts you pulled. We’re family, I forgive you. Now we move on.”
“Oh.”
Castiel lapses into silence as he tries to process how quickly everything is moving. He’d expected months of penance before Dean forgave him. Nothing as rapid as this. Now he really isn’t sure what he was supposed to do.
“Do you. . .” he clears his throat. “Do you really love me as a brother, Dean?”
“Sure, why?”
This is it. Every moment of Castiel’s existence since he first heard the name Dean Winchester has been leading him to this.
“I’m not sure the feelings I have for you are entirely fraternal.”
He waits, his whole body rigid, his eyes fixed on Dean’s. Truly he has never known terror like this before and if being human is going to be like this for the rest of his mortal life Castiel isn’t sure he can cope.
But then Dean smiles and in a fraction of a second all the fear melts away and is replaced by warmth and love. This, this was worth falling for.
Dean closes the distance between them and presses a soft kiss, Castiel’s first as a human, to his lips.
“How about you concentrate on getting better and then we’ll talk?”
That is definitely something Castiel can do.
Author:
hilsPairing: Dean/Castiel
Rating: PG
Wordcount: 2000
Spoilers: Vague references to the events of 6.20
Summary: When it comes to Dean Winchester a choice isn’t really a choice at all.
Thanks to
hsapiens and sucksucksmile for the beta work. Also thanks to zatnikatel for the initial prompt and brainstorming.In the end God gives Castiel a choice.
It’s only fitting given that Castiel has been fighting on the side of Free Will for years that he be granted the very thing he’s been eager to give to all the angels. The choice is a simple one: stay in Heaven permanently and help rebuild the mess that the civil war left in its wake or fall and hope that the Winchesters will forgive him and take him in.
Most angels would have at least taken a moment to consider the offer. An eternity in paradise or a few mortal years filled with fear and pain.
But Castiel is not most angels, and he’s already decided before he’s even finished fully hearing his options.
Because when it comes to Dean Winchester a choice isn’t really a choice at all.
* * *
He’d been warned about the pain but nothing really prepares him for it until he’s hurtling towards Earth, screaming and praying that he’ll lose consciousness just so it will stop.
He’s not that lucky.
The last of his grace doesn’t fade until seconds before impact, which means the angel warding sigils all over Bobby’s house are still enough to keep him out. Instead he crashes down in the yard, bouncing painfully off the rusted shell of an old car and landing in the wet mud.
If the pain of falling had been bad enough, the pain of landing is so much worse. Every drop of cold rain feels like a needle pricking his skin, his side hurts so much from his impact on the car that he can barely breathe and he can feel the wet mud slowly seeping through his clothing.
Dean. He needs Dean.
He doesn’t even care that the last time he spoke to Dean Winchester it was a conversation filled with threats, anger, and disappointment. He’ll explain and eventually Dean will forgive him, because that’s what he does. Dean’s heart is bigger than any other human’s. . . any other person’s . . . that Castiel has ever known.
He raises his head, and even that makes his whole body quiver with pain. He can see Dean’s car parked outside the house, which is only about fifty feet from where he’s currently lying, but he already knows he can’t make it that far. He can barely move.
“Dean,” he calls, his voice sounding even more broken and ragged than usual. “Dean, please help me.”
No one answers.
* * *
“Helluva storm out there,” Bobby grunts just before he heads up to bed. Sam and Dean mutter their agreement but Sam doesn’t look up from his book and Dean’s eyes barely leave the TV.
“You want to head out tomorrow?” Sam asks after a few minutes once Bobby has left them. “There’s a job a couple of towns over and we haven’t really hunted anything since. . .”
He doesn’t mention Cas. None of them do, but for Sam and Bobby it’s mostly for Dean’s sake. For Dean it’s because he can’t.
“Sure,” Dean replies with a shrug but they both know his heart isn’t in it.
“Whatever,” Sam sighs as he slams his book shut. “If you want to sit here and mope I guess we can do that.”
“I’m not moping!” Dean snaps and clicks the TV off before tossing the remote onto the table. “I’m just enjoying a break. Come on, Sammy, when have we ever had the chance for some downtime like this? We should enjoy it.”
Sam snorts. “Yeah, because you look like you’re having a great time sitting around watching Doctor Sexy re-runs during the day and drinking yourself into a coma at night. You’re starting to look like a vampire, dude. When was the last time you actually went outside?”
“I go outside,” Dean mutters.
“Polishing your car once a week doesn’t count.”
“Whatever! If you want to hunt a ghost tomorrow we can go and hunt a freaking ghost. Now will you get off my back?”
“Fine! I’ll see you in the morning, okay?”
Dean simply grunts as Sam stomps up the stairs. If his brother were a few years younger or if Bobby weren’t sleeping a couple of doors down Dean was pretty sure he’d hear the door slamming too.
He grabs a beer from the fridge and is about to take it and his leftover bottle of Jack up to bed when he pauses. The rain is still lashing down outside so of course naturally that’s the moment Bobby’s dog decides that he needs to pee, scratching at the door and whining while occasionally giving Dean reproachful looks until he opens the door.
A few minutes later Gates starts to bark.
“Oh, come on, are you kidding me. Come on, Gates, get your ass back inside.”
More barking followed by some whining. If Dean gets soaked and the damn dog has just found a rabbit or something Dean is going to be pissed.
His tugs the collar of his jacket up to ward off some of the rain and dashes outside, cursing the dog’s name as the rain quickly soaks him.
“What the hell is it?” he growls when he finally sees Gates snuffling at something on the ground and nudging it with his nose.
He freezes. He can tell immediately that the lump on the floor is a body, but that coat. Even soaking wet and covered in mud he’d recognize that coat anywhere.
“Holy shit! Cas?”
He drops to his knees and carefully rolls Cas onto his back, slumping in relief when the movement causes Castiel to moan.
“Cas, come on, man, talk to me. What happened?”
Even in the dark he can see Castiel’s eyes flutter open and the barest hint of a smile on his lips.
“Dean. . .you. . . came. . .”
“You’ll be okay,” Dean replies as he takes stock of Castiel’s injuries. It seems safe to move him which is the most important thing. “We’ll get you inside and fix you up.”
He almost flinches when Castiel’s cold, wet fingers brush over his cheek.
“I’m. . . sorry.”
His hand drops, limp, to his side as his eyes close again.
Shit!
Sam. Sam, will know how to fix this. He is good at this stuff.
It takes all of Dean’s strength to get his feet under him in the wet mud with Castiel’s limp body in his arms. Luckily the house isn’t far.
God, Cas had been so close to them, hurt and cold, and they hadn’t even realized.
He can’t think about that though. He needs to focus.
He staggers into the house and gently deposits Cas on the couch before taking the stairs two at a time and shaking his brother awake.
“Dean, what? Are you okay?”
“You need to help me, Sammy.”
To his credit his brother doesn’t ask any further questions, he just pulls on his t-shirt and jeans and follows Dean downstairs.
“Cas!”
As soon as Sam sees him he went straight into business mode, sending Dean to get the first aid kit from the kitchen while he checks Castiel over properly.
“How’s he doing?” Dean asks when he gets back, handing the kit to his brother.
“The cut on his head looks nasty but it’s nothing major, and a couple of his ribs are cracked. Really, we just need to get him warm. The rest will heal. We should probably move him upstairs. He can take my room.”
“Nah,” Dean replies hastily. “Stick him in mine. It’s not like I sleep much anyway.”
He’s grateful that Sam doesn’t press the issue and instead they set about carrying Castiel upstairs, which is kind of difficult when the three of them aren’t exactly small guys.
“What the hell’s all the ruckus,” Bobby growls when they got to the top of the stairs. “Cas? He okay?”
“He will be,” Dean replies. “Sorry we woke you up, Bobby.”
“You boys need anything?”
“No, we’re good. We’re gonna set him up in Dean’s room while he recovers.”
“Okay, well, holler if you need me.”
“We will. Thanks Bobby.”
It’s a testament to the Winchester family that no one even questions Castiel’s presence back in their lives. For that Dean is more grateful than he will ever know how to express.
They get Castiel out of his wet clothes and into some of Dean’s dry ones (and that is a topic that he and Sam will never ever be discussing) before getting him tucked under the covers. Sam cleans up the cut on Castiel’s head while Dean pulls out some extra blankets and drapes them over their patient.
“Dean, you have to get into bed with him.”
“What?”
“I’m serious, Dean. We have no idea how long he was out there and his body temperature is way lower than it should be. If you don’t get into bed with him and share your body heat he could become hypothermic.”
Dean simply stares at him.
“Fine,” Sam snaps, yanking off his own t-shirt. “I’ll do it myself. Get out of the way.”
That pulls Dean back into reality. “The hell you will! Does he need anything else?”
Sam shakes his head. “No, I’ve patched him up as best I can.”
“Fine, now how about you give us a little privacy?”
Sam raises his hands in surrender and picks his shirt up off the floor. “Fine, just call me if you need anything okay. You know what the hypothermia signs are.”
Dean hadn’t been kidding when he’d pointed out in the past how alike Sam and their dad were. Listening to his brother now, all controlling and not leaving the room without leaving strict instructions it’s almost like having a conversation with the man. “I know, Sammy. Now get the hell out of here.”
He waits until Sam closes the door behind him before he strips down to his boxers and climbs into bed. Immediately Cas turns into the source of warmth, curling against Dean and resting his head on Dean’s bare chest.
The rational part of Dean tells him that this is awkward and weird but the rest of him, the part of him that has craved for Cas for as long as he can remember, yearns for it.
“You’ll be okay,” he says gently as his brushes a hand over Castiel’s damp hair. “Whatever’s happened you’ll be okay.”
He falls asleep with Castiel’s drool leaving a wet patch on his skin and he doesn’t even care.
* * *
“I’m sorry,” Castiel says as soon as he wakes up and sees Dean’s face just a few inches away from his. He is still in a considerable amount of pain but at least he’s warm now and Dean is here.
“You said that already,” Dean replies. “When I found you outside.”
“I don’t remember.”
Dean shrugs. “Anyway, don’t worry about it.”
Castiel’s eyes widen. How can Dean forgive him so easily? “But. . .”
Dean raises his hand. “We’re not going to talk about it again, Cas. You apologized. It’s over. I’ve forgiven Sam for worse than any of the stunts you pulled. We’re family, I forgive you. Now we move on.”
“Oh.”
Castiel lapses into silence as he tries to process how quickly everything is moving. He’d expected months of penance before Dean forgave him. Nothing as rapid as this. Now he really isn’t sure what he was supposed to do.
“Do you. . .” he clears his throat. “Do you really love me as a brother, Dean?”
“Sure, why?”
This is it. Every moment of Castiel’s existence since he first heard the name Dean Winchester has been leading him to this.
“I’m not sure the feelings I have for you are entirely fraternal.”
He waits, his whole body rigid, his eyes fixed on Dean’s. Truly he has never known terror like this before and if being human is going to be like this for the rest of his mortal life Castiel isn’t sure he can cope.
But then Dean smiles and in a fraction of a second all the fear melts away and is replaced by warmth and love. This, this was worth falling for.
Dean closes the distance between them and presses a soft kiss, Castiel’s first as a human, to his lips.
“How about you concentrate on getting better and then we’ll talk?”
That is definitely something Castiel can do.
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Date: 2011-05-19 11:05 pm (UTC)